Tag Archives: #stillborn

Dear D

August 15, 2019 9:04 am

August Greene- Optimistic

My dearest D,

I pray this letter finds you well and in good spirits. My day started off ok and then Adrienne reminded me of the significance of the day. “Alina would have been two months old today” she texted me at 6:54 am. I acknowledged receiving the message and went on about my morning. As the time passed I became more upset. It was then that I realized that I was so busy being the rock for my daughter that I neglected to mourn my grand baby. All the kisses that I won’t ever get to give her. I won’t get to see her toddle around learning to walk. It hurts more so, because I have 4 grand babies that are alive and well but I am not allowed to even see pictures of them. I’m sorry D I do have a point to this.

The postal service now has a program called ‘Informed delivery’ essentially all pieces of mail that come through your local post office to be delivered to you on that day are photographed and emailed to you each morning. While I was crying and discovering why I was feeling so sad I received my informed delivery notice and there was a picture of your letter addressed to Vanity!! When I saw your handwriting it brought a smile to my face. And seeing that you addressed it to Vanity gave me a chuckle! 😂

I appreciate your friendship and correspondence. It’s a better feeling to interact with you with admiration in my heart for you and a genuine love for the young man that you are. I have no expectations of the future for us and this way I am comfortable to just enjoy us and hopefully help shine a little light on your situation. I imagine receiving letters from those who love and care enough to reach out to you is a highlight in your day. I’m grateful to be one of those people and I am honored that you want me to be. I’m going to stop here and I will respond to your letter this evening when I receive it. Talk with you later D! Much love 😘

June 15, 2019

I’m writing this letter in anticipation of you reading it but right now there is no way I know that you will.

She is beautiful just like I knew she would be. Too beautiful for this ugly world and Boo I know your pain. If I could I would bear it all for you. Because of you my weak and broken faith speaks to my spirit and I know there must be a God! You risked your life to celebrate the love of motherhood with me. You know that while I am guilty of many things, malice is not in my heart. I am so grateful to have you in my life and I don’t feel like I deserve to have such a beautiful child. I hope to make you proud of me and I pray that you have every happiness in your life. I know that you would have given your life for hers if given the choice, but God decided that you were to be spared. Baby girl is now safe from harm and the rest of us must press on in honor of her. Your daughter would want you to be happy and I believe that you will because you are strong enough. I am anxiously waiting to hear that you are safe and the news cannot come soon enough. I love you and I admire your strength. I know that you were hurting for your baby but you didn’t let on to keep the rest of us calm. You can lean on us. We are here for you and I understand the struggle of grief all too well. We will get through this together. I pray that your body will heal and you recover completely in the name if the Almighty amen.

Preeclampsia

I write to talk to you about the current situation and I can’t believe how alone I feel right now. My daughter is laying in a hospital bed. Trying to sleep with pain in her torso. Her body working against our dreams to see my sweet granddaughter smile. She joins her uncle Cameron in the heavenly place where our unborn loved ones go once their life’s energy has left their earthly shell.

“Why do some get to bear children and they themselves are hateful?And loving people lose out and don’t get to see the joys of parenting? My response to my beautiful daughter whose only hope was to give me what had been snatched away from me! It’s not a punishment or some roll of the dice. It’s just life. Sometimes we get exactly what we want and sometimes we don’t. She’s lost her child and she’s apologizing to me!!! No baby you have no need to apologize!

Stillbirth is a heartbreaking experience and I wouldn’t wish the pain on anyone! Especially not my daughter who loves me and everyone else!

but here we are and we are suffering another loss of life and another blow to my already broken heart 💔 I pray that I don’t ever discover the answer to the question of “how much more can I take?” Yet still I ask myself! When do I catch a break? What do I do now?

I plan to attempt to help my daughter overcome the pain of losing her baby. I plan to love her and let her know that she is enough! I will work hard on not being selfish as the other person has stated that I am.

I will learn to be a good friend and good daughter and as for motherhood, I give up on the mother of the year award. I did the best that I could do at the time and that time is over. They are adults now and I have done all I could do.

Signed nowhere near perfect but I’m trying