Cultural appropriation (The N-word)

I havent ever been one to get offended easily. Im not confrontational. I have probably quoted Michael Jackson a million times saying,Im a lover

Cultural appropriation (The N-word)
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Peace is quiet

Its said that misery loves company

and that I know to be true

Cause misery will disagree with you even when youre agreeing to

Let her have her way with no push back

Still she finds a way to snatch the peace from your lap…

Any peace you have found just dont sit right

Cause when peace settles in, its always a fight!

Whether youre right or wrong

It dont matter much, cause peace is quiet

And miserys always in a huff

Shouting and accusing,

pointing fingers and such

The chip on her shoulder is ever falling off so she

Can find fault in any place that she can see

An opportunity to be messy and stir up strife

Misery loves company and wants you for life

Daily Dose of Living

Get ready to maximise your potential, maximise your living with empress2inspires new posts series Daily Dose of Living. These series will bring

Daily Dose of Living

Words to live by!

I dont know this love

Ugh! I know that Im traumatized! I get all bent out of shape when someone hits on me. Should I be flattered by a bunch of meaningless words? I Should be grateful that youre impressed by my appearance? Its love at first sight huh? Oh and am I being bitchy at the idea of a perfect stranger pouring out their feelings to me? Maybe they do mean everything theyre saying and maybe they believe it huh? Can you say trigger? Love defined is a feeling of deep affection. Affection is a positive feeling or liking. I dont know this love.

I dont know positive feelings or liking me without a hidden agenda. That agenda being one that benefits them and drains me. Nah Im good thanks. I dont want something that you want to give me because you find my genetic makeup attractive. It means nothing to me to receive accolades for something that I had nothing to do with! No. Nope. Nah uh! No thanks!

Can you see me? You see what theyve done? They took something wonderful and made it ugly. Something that should be a saving grace is a savage thing! Its so easy to say the word love. So foreign a concept to truly comprehend. Im offended for love. How dare you throw that around as if its that easy to find. Silver and Gold is easier to find than love! The kind that builds and fortifies the spirit is not given out so easily. It should be but its not!

Kindred

Today is May 30, 2021 and I am sitting on a beautiful deck/porch in LaRue Texas. The Memorial Day weekend is one event where this family comes from all over the surrounding area to eat and celebrate each other. Within 100 yards of each other are 3 homes in which some the elders in the family live. Its a densely wooded area and unlike anything a California city girl like me has ever seen. The younger members who come in from the Dallas area range in ages from 3 years to 60 somethings from what I can tell.

Im amazed at the familial connections I witness between everyone. Its as if they all live under one roof! The home with the deck belongs to the whole family and Uncle TK, as he is called lives and manages the house all year. We (my brother sister in law and I) stayed the night in one of the bedrooms. When I woke up this morning it was a crazy sight for me to see!

Walking through the home from the bedroom to the front door sleeping bodies in the recliners, on the chairs and sprinkled all about the floor were members of the family. I havent ever seen such a sight! Im in awe at the beautiful solidarity of this family! I dont envy much but I envy this.

Love in its purest form provides the glue that keeps these family members coming back to commune again and again. Its a beautiful thing. My heart is moved and I am sad to realize the sad and broken state of my own kin.

Ego

What is the ego? Is that the emotional side of us or the mental? I have heard of a bruised ego, inflated ego and practice of keeping your ego in check, and I wonder if it is a whole other entity within us? Maybe its a scapegoat that we use to blame when we have to face our shortcomings!
I imagine the guy in the movie Animal House with the good angel on one shoulder and the devilish angel on the other trying to decide if he should take advantage of the girl whose passed out drunk. Is that what ego looks like?
Theres one incident that happened years ago and I keep going over it in my head. It was very late at night and we (my then husband and I) had just been awakened by our daughters having a shouting contest. He was being his typical self-serving self and threatening to put my minor child out of the house for this fight while allowing his adult daughter to stay in the house. I keep analyzing this incident and trying to figure out how I let him get by with threatening my baby with homelessness while allowing his adult daughter to stay? I was being victimized and at that time I was unable to defend myself! Let alone make valid arguments about how his adult daughter could sign her own lease and live independently while he evidently didnt care about my minor child or me I continued to endure the abuse because God hates divorce and I wouldnt have to wait much longer for them all to be grown and gone out on their own!
I believe that its my ego that wanted to say that they were both wrong at the time, but I was determined to wait it out because they not getting along wasnt my husbands fault匈 kept blaming the kids for their behavior! I didnt understand that they couldnt learn appropriate behavior from an incompetent parent! Hindsight is definitely a lot clearer. I think my ego wants to make it right somehow but I cant go back and stand up for myself or my daughter on that day. What I can do now is tell the world that you must pay attention to how people operate and decide for yourself what is going on behind the lies they tell. He didnt care about me or my family. Not then, not ever. He wanted a collection of trophies and I was the softest, warmest and prettiest one! He needed a warden for the juvenile delinquent kids he created. I was the perfect choice. A widow with low self esteem and a desperation to be loved. I believed that he was my last chance at love. I thought that he was a good guy! SMH! Before today I never really had a chance at love because I didnt love myself enough. If I had enough regard for who I was he wouldve never got past my front door!
I didnt know that I was a prize to be won! My mentality was so bad then. Thank goodness for growth! I now know that Ego- my conscious mind- had checked out due to my inability to cope with the abuse that I was suffering and now I understand that I didnt have the tools that I needed.
I failed to protect myself and my family because I didnt know how at the time. Everything happening to me was too overwhelming for me and I looked to others to guide me, and they had hidden agendas that I couldnt see. For a while following the dissolution of that relationship I would say that it was a waste of time. I have the gift of wisdom and experience that says that no one is going to look out for me. I must do it for myself! My baby had to learn that lesson too soon and I know that he lost a good woman that he never deserved to even know.