Grieving or riddled with guilt

Yesterday, I saw the neurologist again about the treatment of bilateral carpal tunnel in both of my hands. I hesitate when I say hands because the pain seems to involve my entire arms including my shoulders! Back to the appointment, so I told him that I had ran out of the tizanidine about 3 weeks ago while still visiting my brother in Texas and my headaches have returned. Im shocked at how I was functioning with these headaches while taking care of my 83 year old disabled incontinent mother! I guess you really just do what you gotta do! I can barely bend over to reach for something and the throbbing makes me want to faint! Doctor said Ok we will refill your prescription and send you to get a consult for hand surgery.

At about 4 pm I go and pick up my meds and go to my friends house. Shes letting me crash on her couch. I dont want to stay in momma’s house alone. For me it is a very dark place and I fear that darkness will overtake me before long. I take a 翻 of the dosage and begin to watch Netflix and after a short while I awaken to my mouth wide open! I took 翻 of a dose thinking that I might be able to fight the drowsiness but I could not m. I didnt even know that I was asleep! SMH Once the evening started to come in I went ahead and took the other 翻 and slept until 5:30 am. I woke up and as usual I thought about momma. Momma said she was tired of being alone. Im so sorry that she felt alone and I cant help but feel like I let her down. Is this my grieving telling me that or am I battling with guilt? Its spilled milk at this point. Momma gave up. She is gone for good now. I can no longer be there for her and cure her loneliness. 

Now I wonder if my punishment is to be lonely too? 


Grieving or riddled with guilt?

A Dr Suess moment

Im a writer!

It is what I do!

I write all the time
Even when Im blue..
Im writing while I drive and even in my sleep
While I try to focus on the day
My thoughts are led astray
From here to there
Words are floating through the air
Try and try as I might
I cant avert the urge to write

Led to pray

Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection. A general statement to say the least. Its been said that love is a verb, an action word.

Led to pray

Led to pray

Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection. A general statement to say the least. Its been said that love is a verb, an action word.

Led to pray

My way

Do what you wish with life,I will respect your choice.Do not try to rule mine,by muffling my voice.You are all that you are,I am all that I am,Your

My way

Peace is quiet

Its said that misery loves company

and that I know to be true

Cause misery will disagree with you even when youre agreeing to

Let her have her way with no push back

Still she finds a way to snatch the peace from your lap…

Any peace you have found just dont sit right

Cause when peace settles in, its always a fight!

Whether youre right or wrong

It dont matter much, cause peace is quiet

And miserys always in a huff

Shouting and accusing,

pointing fingers and such

The chip on her shoulder is ever falling off so she

Can find fault in any place that she can see

An opportunity to be messy and stir up strife

Misery loves company and wants you for life

Daily Dose of Living

Get ready to maximise your potential, maximise your living with empress2inspires new posts series Daily Dose of Living. These series will bring

Daily Dose of Living

Words to live by!