We all suffer heartbreak. We all live with the expectation of grace from others. It is a sure thing to have some expectations unsatisfied. Disappointment is a part of life. Humans are not always going to rise to the occasion. We let others down. We let ourselves down. We hurt others. Others hurt us. We suffer self harm in many forms. Some choose negative coping strategies like substance abuse for example. Some choose positive behavior strategies like going to the gym or punching a bag. Still others prefer to “feel” better and seek pain relief in the sacred space of another. Another group of people who sabotage themselves will use food or a lack thereof to feed their need to soothe their pain. What works for them may not work for you but we all live the same existence in this world of misery. Religious people are focused on leaving behind this world to either be happy in heaven or burn in the eternal lake of fire. I’m confused by the sentiment that there is a hell somewhere else that is worse than this place! I’m convinced that this is hell. The idea of an in between world, or purgatory is stupid to me. This is no purgatory! We are born in the agony of our mothers labor and we spend years hurting her. Well I did. Now she is gone and I can’t get back the time I selfishly wasted on my own bullshit. As hell would have it I now am a mother dealing with a daughter who is spending time on her own bullshit wasting time away from me that no matter how bad she regrets it she will never get it back! SMH! It’s crazy how life’s lessons are taught to us and yet we still miss them when we are too busy doing other things that aren’t going to even matter to us in the end.
I hope and pray that this generational curse ends with my granddaughters. I pray that they are loving and forgiving to their mothers. I pray that my daughters never suffer the heartbreak of their own daughters tossing them out of their lives like garbage. I pray they give them the grace they need to grow from their mistakes. May my granddaughters who nursed at the bosom of their mother care for and nurse their own mothers in their golden years. Be good and kind to each other. Everyday the same sun rises and sets in our little corners of the world.