Every morning it’s the same thing.

I’m not feeling like I have another opportunity for joy in my life, instead I am worried about the next loss I will suffer…Who’s next to leave me? My closest sibling (my older brother) spent a good majority of his life wrestling with demons of depression and is not in the best health. My heart hurts at the thought of him laying in a casket! So I’m clinging onto him as if he is my life’s blood right now! If I’m honest I know that just because he’s not the picture of health doesn’t mean that he is next… in fact I believe that he will fight to stay with me just like momma did! I know that we all have to go some day but that doesn’t prepare you for the reality of it. The reality of this world without momma is a nightmare that I continue to endure day after day.

This sadness is not going anywhere easy and I am tired of holding it in my heart…my hardest work ahead is to enjoy the here and now and let what tomorrow brings wait until tomorrow. How I’m supposed to do that?

Signed feeling kinda stuck between yesterday and today