April 4, 2021

It’s early in the morning (6:18 am) and I’m up having a ton of different thoughts going through my mind. I’m thinking mostly about a friend that I spent the day with yesterday. We have known of each other for a few years now but never spent any real time together.

He spoke of a few pet peeves while we conversed but I was careful not to say too much. I’m learning when getting to know someone that I must listen and consider what is being said. Not so much to recall those details, but to look behind and try and find where or from what circumstances that idea was born.

My experiences with my past relationships shaped who I am today. It’s reasonable then, I believe, to assume the same is true for this young man.

Yes a detail that I hadn’t shared yet…He is 18 years younger than me.殺

This could be a problem if I was younger but I am 50 years old so…no one cares really. He is a very grown man and very smart and resourceful. I find him intriguing and I want to know more.

I’m having trouble communicating which seems to be an art that I have yet to master, verbally that is… I feel like I communicate well when I write. Reader, do you think I communicate well in this realm? I don’t know for certain and I think I need to rehearse what I might say to my friend let’s call him Leo because his hair looks like a mane about his head.

Dear Leo,

It’s the morning after and I chose to sleep at home in the comfort of my familiar surroundings. A safe distance from you in order to gather my thoughts. I remember you saying that you liked to write. I hope you have the same affinity for me and what I produce with my virtual pen. Do you know how beautiful you are to me? Nah beauty is not only a feminine adjective but if that word you feel doesn’t suit you than I offer another…Regal. I wonder if you really know the way your posture introduces you? On top of that you have the audacity to grow your own crown! In every way you appear quite regal and even humbly majestic.

When I allowed you into my personal space I could sense your angst though I figured it was just my age or something. As I played in your locks and drew you into me I could feel you sink in…Yesss…relax and exhale. I mean you no harm. I cannot promise that I won’t hurt you because I am human and prone to fuccin up! (Just being real). We all have our struggles and I am a work in progress but I’m not excusing premeditated methodical selfish behavior. I do not practice deceit. A victory is not a win unless I earned it with my own wits about me. I am a lover in that I show love from the beginning and you help me decide how much distance (and love) you truly deserve by your actions.

When you speak of your past I must confess I feel that you maybe have some things that you are still dealing with. It’s perfectly fine to be a work in progress my love and where you were isn’t where you want to stay. Keep moving ahead. One step at a time until you find yourself beyond the hurt. Lord knows that I know this one. It’s the story of my life! Guard your heart and miss your blessing if you want. I’ve learned that emotional walls not only keep out the hurt but anything else that you may feel. You will find it difficult to keep me on the perimeter. Love and light is like a soothing balm to an aching heart.

I won’t push in unless invited

Love Salt