It’s 12:02 pm and I have had 3 shots of whiskey! 臘‍♀️ My sleep schedule is off because I am getting up all through the night. Today has been a rough one.

Momma doesn’t want to get out of the bed…today is wound care at the clinic but I can’t lift her out of the bed. If she won’t help then she won’t go! Her physical therapist mentioned a referral to a skilled nursing facility that she was in twice before. She did really well there before. I asked her if she could refer momma because she is refusing to go anywhere now. She keeps saying “I want to go home” I don’t know if she knows that she is in fact at home, or if she is trying to say that she wants to stay at home. Either way this cannot continue. I’m changing her pissy diapers every two to three hours and she is griping about it as if I am somehow inconveniencing her!

Good Caregivers don’t get the appreciation they deserve. I had to ask her while she complained, “I wish you would just leave me alone!” My question, “You don’t want me bother you with getting this wet diaper off of you?

I keep in mind that she is not always lucid and I don’t get any warning when she is or isn’t. I don’t get to prepare for what is coming. Today I got Granny Grumpkins! I’m the bad guy coming in the room rolling her back and forth in the bed to remove her dirty diaper and replace it with a clean one.

Momma I miss you being independent and caring for yourself. This is hard and I’m pushing through but I don’t see any relief in sight, especially if you continue to refuse to get up. My wrists are hurting me and I don’t know what to do.

Signed Exhausted