When a blended family doesn’t blend

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OK so um I’ve been thinking about this for a while. That there’s some things that I need to say. I’ve also been feeling a sense of urgency that everything that I need to say I need to get with it and get to saying because we just don’t know when the opportunity is gonna be gone and then you don’t get to hear what you need to hear. First of all I knew that I didn’t want 2 be with somebody who had minor children because it just doesn’t seem to be fair to the kids.
I made a choice that basically ruined your childhood and you shouldn’t have had to suffer from my decisions. I should have waited until you were of age and old enough to choose for yourself whether you want to live with another person. I should have protected you. That was my job, and I failed miserably. That was a choice that was taken from you. I allowed it to be taken from you. I should have been there for you. Every time that I took her in the interest of watching her so that she wouldn’t bully you or steal your belongings. I should have left her there and took you. I should have looked out for you. I shouldn’t have allowed them to make you suffer the loss of your mother, because that was their goal. We had a beautiful relationship. I ruined it. Ultimately because I was selfish and thinking of only of material things saving the house and not growing old alone. I allowed them to take your mother from you too! I wouldn’t have grown old alone if I had you and my grandchildren. If I had stayed with him I still would have grown old alone in a loveless marriage. I did not realize that until much later. My heart is broken because I broke your heart. I can’t change what I did but I want you to know that I was wrong. I should have never let them in. I should have seen how destructive they were. I should have put them out. I let them destroy our family. They couldn’t destroy you though. I am proud of you and the mother that you are and I’m grateful that, you are a better protector than me. You won’t allow anyone to do the same to your children. I accept the fact that you don’t exclude me from that because that is what is THE most important role of a mother. I could have done better. I should have been braver. I don’t harbor any feelings of disappointment, regret, or hurt for you. I believe that what you are doing is what you believe is best for your babies. I respect your decision. I love my grandchildren. I love the family that me and Marlon created. And I love you. Goodbye baby. I understand you not including me in your life anymore. I pray that you always have happiness in your life. I pray that every obstacle you encounter that you use the strength that you have to learn from them and overcome them and I believe that you will. I hope that we have more than one life to live. I would never again let somebody rob you of your mother. I was a good mother to you for the first 11 years of your life. I pray that when you think of me that those memories make you smile. I did the best that I could to take care of you. I was gone to work a lot of the time and I wish that I had a Delorian so that I could change that. I accept that the past cannot and will not ever change. I can use my present time to work on being true to what is in my heart and not looking for others to give it to me. I forgive myself for not knowing any better at the time. I hope one day that you will forgive me too.
Forever yours mom

6 comments

  1. You are everything and more I’m thankful that you gave me my beautiful Neices and my Cubby Mo . My brother my have died but I get to see him in all of them. I’m thankful sis you got that part right. Otherwise all I would have is a memory . Don’t beat yourself up we all look for love ❤️ when are fences get broken . Sometimes we find trueness sometimes we find we stepped in shit. Keep being you God over everything!!!!

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  2. Yesterday is gone and you did your best. We don’t own tomorrow. Today is all we have and I could feel your pain and disappointment and compassion in your post. I could have written the same story….almost. I have regrets but the most important thing you must do is to forgive yourself. That to me has been the hardest thing. I made mistakes but love my children. I have sons that rarely come around and one who hasn’t talked to me for almost 5 years. A grandson I can no longer see as his mom has disdain for me and his dad (my son) is not active in his life. This grandson is now 12. Very sad. We must move ahead and thank God for all the blessings we do have.

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    • I’m very grateful for your words. I’m also sad for anyone to be a part of this club. I’m trying everyday to forgive myself. Some days I do great and it feels as if I’m past the pain and then I dream of her or something reminds me of her and instantly I am in the midst of it all again 🤦🏽‍♀️. Thanks so much for sharing! It helps to know that I am not alone. I hope that your relationship with your family is restored and even better than before one day soon.

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      • Just remember where the accusations and condemnation is coming from when they fill your mind….the devil and where love and acceptance and forgiveness come from…Jesus Christ himself. He took all our sins….once and for all….to the cross. God just wants us to obey him. He will do the rest in our lives and for me he is teaching me to go to my son and try to reconcile. I have in the past with no result. I am trying again. If you can, I recommend a book I read by John Bevere called “The Bait of Satan”. An important read for anyone who has been offended or didn’t know they may have offended someone else.
        Jesus went to the cross and forgave us FIRST, before we came to him. We must go to others first….to make way for them to come back to us. It is hard to do! Trust God….He will get you through!

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