Monday April 6, 2020
It’s 9:14 am and it’s raining outside. I am hoping that the rain somehow washes the virus away. It’s all anyone’s talking about right now. I’m over it and I am losing my grip on reality thinking about yesterday.
I keep thinking about how different the reaction to this virus is in comparison to others! I recall SARS and the Bird flu. There were images online and in the television news broadcasts of Asian people wearing masks. The same masks that I wore everyday when I practiced dental hygiene. Not N95 or anywhere near that industrial. I don’t recall the closing of schools and bars! People being called “essential” workers. I don’t recall having to wait in line outside the Dollar general store, or waiting on pieces of blue masking tape stuck every six feet to mark the spots to stand and be practicing social distancing. I never imagined that I could be stuck on a cruise ship indefinitely because of the disease that may be on board. They say there is more than a dozen cruise ships idling offshore of Australian ports because they won’t let them dock.
Last year we (my bestie Al and her granddaughter) missed the boat! It was the weekend of the first day of the Long Beach Grand Prix and the morning of Nipsey Hustles funeral. It took us 5 hours to drive to the boat when under normal circumstances it would have only taken 2 1/2 maybe. We were planning a cruise trip for this year before COVID19. Now I wonder if a cruise will EVER feel like a safe and fun adventure. Somehow I don’t think so. 😞
Some time ago, I bought a pack of 3 N95 masks because I was refurbishing and staining a night stand for my kids. I hated wearing it because they fit tightly around your nose and mouth. Quite cumbersome but I know that mask helped me not breathe in the vapors while staining the night stand. So, that explains why the N95 is the one that can protect me from Covid19.
What will protect us from the financial and mental fallout from this virus? Nothing can save yesterday now. Our “normal” is gone and I fear it’ll be some time before we can even see a glimmer of light in this tunnel.
It used to be normal to gather every Sunday for worship. Now we can not join together parties of more
than 10. I used to go to the local mall early mornings and walk the perimeter inside to pick up 10K steps. It was one way that I could exercise and feel safe, because the mall had security guards who patrolled by bike (in the parking lot outside) and on foot inside the building. The valley plaza mall is an indoor mall and the entire perimeter walked one time around is a mile and a quarter. I would go and walk at least 3 trips around early in the morning before the stores opened. I knew that last go round I would pick up during the day as I cooked and cleaned for my mom as well as walking through campus on my way to my classes I attended through the week.
My bike is my favorite though. Riding (especially while listening to my beats by Dre) was the great escape! Pedaling and powering up my legs in rhythm of the songs pouring into my ears I would enter into my own little world. I saw no one standing still. In this world I heard nothing but the motivation of my cycling 🚴🏽♀ playlist. Fergie proclaiming her fergaliciousness! On the bike path I had no worries. No one was looking for me to pick up their mess or cook them a meal. I feel bad for wanting to escape now. I would jump at the opportunity to cook my momma a meal now. I can’t even see her because of COVID19 nursing homes are not allowing anyone but staff in. Momma just sleeps most of the day. Her roommate says she barely eats. She says she doesn’t have an appetite. I begged her to eat yesterday. “Please eat momma, for me.” I pleaded. I don’t like not being able to see her. I hate it here. It feels like district 12 in The Hunger Games. Everything is grey. No flowers in the fields. Only grayish weeds. No colorful blue skies. Only overcast dark grey rain clouds.
The path is still there and my bike is ready to go but Covid19 is rumbling about outside like tumbleweeds blowing in the wind.
I miss the wind on the path. I miss the security of the mall. I miss my momma needing me to make a meal. I miss yesterday when I could go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted. I miss the hope that I held for tomorrow.