I gotta begin my fast again. Every day is a new day. Another opportunity to succeed, learn a new lesson, or repeat an old one that for whatever reason you cannot seem to grasp the concept! smh! Oh well so here I go again. I am tough on myself when I stop doing something new that is good for me. lol! Who else starts a new lifestyle of eating and exercise routine and somewhere around day 3 or four you realize that you’re hungry as hell!
November 12, 2019 8:48 am
I’m sorry love. I been entertaining my wounds. Rubbing medicaments into my flesh. Sighing and exhaling at the euphoric sensations and sinking deeper into the abyss. Should I call it that? Another term could be used like sin, depression, denial, giving up, or even giving in. Does it change the outcome I wonder? Does title determine direction? Method? With my eye elevated I can see more clearly, and yet what I see confuses me. It seems clearer up here. The air is thinner. Replete of pollution I suppose. Noise. Not until now did I notice there is no noise. It’s quiet. Peaceful. Soothing. Only for a short while. Inviting in the feelings, because the carbon-based form combined to create the energy that is me craves more sensation. Any kind almost it seems will do. I’m looking around and trying to make sense of it all and I can only see there is nothing new under the sun.
everybody copes with what life gives us all. We are fragile and sensitive physical beings. The suns rays burn us if we don’t wear sunscreen. We can bruise at the hands of a violent person who is still basically fighting another demon of his own accord. Life is the most important thing to us. So important that we get up everyday trying to feed it. Food, water, and shelter we are sure to secure all to protect and nourish this carbon-based form that houses this energy that is us. Life preserving. This form is fearfully and wonderfully made with fleshly wonders that are able to send impulses between our endless connectors of axons and dendrites and the brain that deliver sensations so beautifully intense that we spend the rest of our lives chasing it. Searching for the one who can do it. The one who can make it last longer. The one who can reach deeper. The one who can touch spots untouched. Where is the one who can fill it? Mandingo warrior who just fuccin knocks down a couple walls and shit!! We are all chasing the feeling. What do you call it? It feels like freedom to me. When he takes me there and the explosion takes place? Freedom to recline in a white puffy cloud naked with the warmth of the sun massaging my skin. I’m in heaven. This is what heaven feels like! And then, BOOM!! You hit your ass on the hard ass concrete! Back to reality. I hate it here! Smh………
I saw where you stood smoking your cigarette friend. I wish I was there with you elbow to elbow. Helping each other stay warm standing out there in the weather. The grey in the sky made it appear cold to me. I could tell you were cold, and scared and reeling from recent events. Can I tell you I feel that I fail you everyday that passes and I don’t love on you a bit? We gotta do better at making sure we never feel alone and abandoned. I love you sis. Genuinely with my heart I do. I know that technically we haven’t met, but that is just a physical thing. May be that is part of the lesson for us. That love doesn’t require physicality? I don’t know for sure. One thing that I do know is that you have helped me to realize that love definitely doesn’t require physical attributes to be of a certain kind. I love you with my heart. My soul shares in your fears. My spirit ascribes a duty to pray for you. My flesh craves to be one with you. A sensual being you say? Indeed, you are.

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