October 15, 2019
Today’s prayer will likely be split between this morning and later this evening after work, and school. I woke up this morning with someone on my mind. This man is beginning to occupy a great deal of space in my psyche. I’m entertaining the idea that he is you. The idea knocked at the door of my soul, and I immediately wanted to dismiss it. I been there before where I was tired of the loneliness and wanted to find love, but later found it was a poison apple that he offered.
Instead, I heard the Holy Spirit say it’s fine to let him be the face of my dearest. Especially when he’s so easy on my eyes. The beauty that covers agape love is even more endearing than he. So for now dearest you have a face.💜🥰
The witch of a man who offered me the poison apple disguised as love taught me a valuable lesson. So valuable that I thank my Father for introducing him to me. That man told me to pray to God about him. He said to ask God to reveal him to me. This man certainly didn’t know me and because of that he didn’t realize that I have spiritual ears that hear. I know that I should submit to my covering so in the fashion that he was my husband I obeyed him. I prayed to God everyday about him. I confessed my feelings for him to God. My sexual desires as well as my paranoid thoughts. For 13 days I fasted and laid prostrate petitioning the throne. On the 13 day I heard God’s instructions. I was led to break my silence and talk to two people who knew the both of us. Long story short they both told me to run and NOT walk away from this man‼️
With my heart crushed I cried out to God! I laid in the middle of my bedroom floor and grieved the impossible dream’s death.I cried because I knew that it was over before it had begun. If it had been a different time in my life, perhaps a summer season, I would not have given him the time of day. I thought I was ready to be married for life!! I was ready to soothe the ache in my flesh. I wanted to feel good, and was grasping at what was being offered. The problem was that I had only left my marriage a few months prior. That marriage was a dark and hostile place and I lived there for over a decade.
Imagine crossing a desert plane. It’s hot and windy. The hot air blows and sucks the hydration from your mouth and body. All the water you hold oozes out of your sweat glands, and the sun blisters your lips. This is the heat that causes a mirage to appear when your thirst becomes overwhelming.Now suddenly someone appears holding a cup of cold water. It’s cold and you can tell without touching because you see the condensation on the outside of the container. How long would you take to examine the contents? Honestly, do you think you would hesitate?
Maybe if you were anything like me, you would take the cup to your chapped lips, and lift your chin. In audible gulps you would hardly notice the taste until every drop is gone. As the dosage passes through your chest and it begins to enter your stomach you sense a rise in temperature in your midsection. As soon as you realize the burn you notice the feeling of numbness across your lips. “What did you give me?” you raise your head to meet the eyes of your trickster and see only sand. The heat of the desert has gone to your head. It is then that you look up and see the sun. Its heat bears down on you and you have no choice but to bow down and accept its power. Bow down and submit that your life is not your own.
From the 13 day experience I decided to seek love in the form of care, service and growth. I will care for those who need me like my mother, and family. I will serve as her daughter, nurse, and what ever capacity a servant can give. This service is aiding in my growth. Spiritual growth I believe because instead of seeking companionship (in which I would truly delight if I had) I am learning how to be a companion. I am also learning to trust in His timing. I want to rush and have it all be done, but nothing good comes easy, and nothing easy tends to be good for very long. LOL.
My study this morning included
Jer26:1-27,22, 2 Thes 3:1-18, Ps 85:1-13, Pr 25:16
As I listened to Brian speak I had quite a few thoughts. I want to meditate on what I heard and get back to my prayer so my commentary now I guess, and the prayer later today.