It was 2001, and I remember distinctly because it was the December following September 11. Which in part plays a part in the reason the trip was possible. I had been back home from school 3 years and working a lot and taking care of my babies. Leaving no room for romance of the usual sort so Black Planet.com was my social outing. I had been cyber dating a few suitors all over the map. My favorite was Dreaded Scorpio. He lived in New York and was an intelligent sensual man. Just my type and we had a great many conversations via messenger that lasted for hours. Some of which would embarrass you if you were to overhear! So after about 6 months, or so I decided I would go to New York and meet the Dreaded Scorpio face to face. In my excitement I shared my plans of New York with my best friend and she was like “Now you know you’re not going by yourself right? There’s no way that I am letting you go across the country to meet some strange man you met on the Internet by yourself!” She was right and I agreed that she was more than welcome to come along so she did. The day we went to New York we left a going away party her son threw for us, at her house for LAX already intoxicated. We flew straight from LAX to JFK and partied on the plane drinking cocktails and conversing with passengers lucky enough to be seated near us. Simply put, when we are together (Al and I) it’s a never ending party no matter the place. She’s my ying and I’m her yang.
So we stayed for 5 days in a place called The Belvedere hotel in an area of the city called Hell’s Kitchen. The first day we got there we met up with my guy Dreaded Scorpio for dinner at a diner close to the hotel. He was about 5 foot 5 inches tall with dreads. Hence his BlackPlanet moniker, and while he was fairly attractive he had the worst case of halitosis I had yet to encounter! Needless to say we had a nice meal and Dreaded Scorpio went on his way never to be seen again! More than likely it was the fact that I informed him that he very much needed a dental appointment to address the foul odor coming from his mouth. I know that it wasn’t exactly my place to tell him so, but he called himself liking me (a dental hygienist) and I was not going to let him kiss me with yuck mouth!
Day 2 in the city that never sleeps we spent blowing blunts and visiting restaurants and stores in the vicinity of Times Square. We stayed inebriated the first 2 days there so half way through day 3 we were having a hard time getting high!! It was crazy but it seemed that the weed and booze had lost their effectiveness! So we slept the afternoon away and left out for happy hour that evening. We bent a couple of corners and found a TGIF’s. Remember this is December in New York, and walking around isn’t something that you want to do for too long! We go into the TGIFs and sit at the bar and begin talking to bartender about our problem with sobriety. A couple of caucasian men sitting at the end of the bar listening in tell us they know what will solve our problem. They offer to buy us drinks and came over and sat down next to us. The bartender serves us what the white boys had ordered for us. They were two double shots of a dark colored liquor that smelled of licorice. Me and my girl toast each other and our new friends and down the shots. We begin to talk with the guys and learn that they were also from Bakersfield! We didn’t believe them at first so we quizzed them about the Valley plaza and all and they got every answer correct! Proof indeed that it is a small world my friend. After a while we were still sober and frustrated so our newly found friends bought us another round and again we drank them to no effect. It was getting late and we decided to go back to the room and see if Mary Jane could save the day. The white boys walked us out straight and soberly through the restaurant to the front door. Exiting the door to the cold 20 degrees temperature air we both suddenly realized that we couldn’t walk straight! Suddenly, our equilibrium was fucced and we didn’t know which way was the right direction to the hotel! Drunk as fucc we looked at each other in amazement. Laughing hysterically at the situation and trying to figure out how we are going to find our way back to the hotel the white boys offer to escort us back to our room. Something you should know about my best friend is that while she is very friendly and loves everyone she does not trust anybody! Especially white people!! She reacted to the white boys offer to escort us with an explicit comment! It was something like “Hell no I don’t trust you muthfuccas! I’m not ending up dead in one of those dumpsters in the alley!” So Al began to scan the area and noticed a young black man leaning against the building and called out to him. “Young brother come here.” He replied, “Yes! Sistah what you need?” She said,”Could you help us get back to our room?” Noticing her drunken condition he offered his arm and my friend took it and leaned into him to walk a bit straighter and we headed back for the hotel with our new friend leading the way. I was following behind walking as straight as I could. It wasn’t long before I noticed a dark figure of someone walking alongside me. I glance over my shoulder and had to raise my chin pretty high to see his face. He had to have been pretty close to 7 feet tall! He was smiling and looking down at me like I was a T bone steak and he had been without a meal for a long time! Lol. I was thinking damn this man is tall and ugly as fucc! He spoke to me in a beautiful french accent. “Hello. My name is Chai (or something like that). Where you beautiful ladies headed?” Watching me stumble while trying to walk he took my arm and placed it in the crook of his and joined the three of us on the way back to the hotel. When we got back to the room we invited the guys in. Al’s escort turned out to be a 19 year old boy and he had a fat sack of some nice chronic that he offered to smoke with us! Feeling the effects of the white boys drinks Al and I got mad hot all of a sudden! We both started stripping off layers of clothing and I got sick as fucc! I left my African escort sitting on my bed and ran to the bathroom. I don’t have to be too graphic about what happened in the bathroom I am sure you know what the overconsumption of alcohol will do to you! Needless to say I was unable to entertain anyone except the porcelain god that I was bowing down to for the better part of half an hour or so before I yell out that my escort should leave because I wasn’t coming out of the bathroom any time soon.
Anytime I share this story I say that I left a lung in New York because I spent hours dry heaving in that bathroom. When I finally stopped I was so weak that I couldn’t even crawl out of the bathroom! I didn’t think I would stop heaving so I laid against the toilet and noticed the coolness of the porcelain soothed me. So I climbed into the porcelain claw foot tub and slept there the rest of the night.
The morning came in with my girlfriend panicked and yelling my name. I came to and ran out of the bathroom wondering what the hell was wrong! “Bitch I thought something happened to you when I woke up and you weren’t in bed! Did you sleep in the bathroom?” “Yes” I replied. We laughed and she commenced to telling me what I missed while I was busy vomiting in the bathroom.
Neither of our gentlemen friends wanted to leave so abruptly but it seems they had no choice cause while I made it to the bathroom in time to relieve myself Al wasn’t so lucky. Apparently she got sick too but wasn’t as fast moving as I was and she unloaded the contents of her stomach into the 19 year olds long johns that he had removed after getting warmed up inside the room.
Day 4 after coming out of perhaps the best slumber I will ever have in a bath tub. My friend and I found ourselves sober and feeling absolutely no effects from the night before. Bright eyed and bushy tailed we get ready for the day! My African friend had stated that he would return and bring a suitably aged friend for Al (shes 8 years older than me so a 19 year old boy was not her speed) to hang out with because he had to see me again. That days activities escape me but early that evening as promised my African suitor returned with his friend Giovanni in tow. We smoked a few blunts (they rolled four and we each lit and smoked them all) and the guys took us out to a club. This club was a typical night club but what wasn’t typical was the fact that as soon as you entered in you could smell reefer in the air like it was being ducted in through the HVAC! Looking around in the darkness I could see people with blunts in hand on the dance floor smoking and moving with the music. We stayed and partied at the club til like 4am. Clubs in New York don’t close at 2 am like California. Shit it’s real when they say the city never sleeps! Believe that! We all went back to the room and once again Chia pet (the name Al gave my African friend) had that look on his face. You know that look that makes me feel naked although I’m fully clothed! It was late, and we were all feeling good and tired from dancing all night so we relaxed in the room coupled off on the beds. Now another thing to know about Al is she’s not a loose woman either so neither one of these men was getting any pussy but you know they tried!
This part of the story I can only tell my part because while I know what didn’t happen between my friend and her partner I don’t know what did cause I was too busy fighting my African brother off me! I let him lay in my bed next to me and talk with me. I couldn’t bring myself to kiss him although he tried. I wasn’t at all attracted to him and I definitely did not want to lead him on so I wouldn’t even touch him. I let him touch me but kept it PG. He was whispering to me that he wanted me and I kept insisting it wasn’t going to happen.
At some point in his attempts to get me to touch him he took my hand and placed it near his belly button. He told me that I would enjoy it and feel as if I was in heaven. Now before meeting this man I hadn’t ever seen or witnessed anything like this. My sheltered life hadn’t prepared me for this man. I won’t get too graphic but I will say this. When my hand touched his bellybutton it met with his appendage and I nearly leapt from the bed! Before moving my hand, in disbelief I had to investigate with my hand for a couple of seconds because it seemed improbable that it was like it seemed. It’s true, at least for this African, what is said about them being well endowed. It is 20 years later and I still cannot believe what my investigation discovered. I informed him there was absolutely no way that he would get near me. I didn’t care if he got a room in order for us to have privacy or whatever. He thought that was what was keeping me from letting him fucc after learning about what he was blessed with. “No darling I said that is not the problem! I don’t know you first off, and secondly you will not have me in California fiending for you like a crackhead!” I cannot miss what I never had and that ain’t happening!
Day 5 our friends returned to see us off. My African friend brought me a gift. It was a fake Rolex watch but it looked very real. He kissed me goodbye on my cheek and said he enjoyed hanging out with me and hoped to see me again as he hadn’t ever met a woman like me before. I wondered why he would say so and asked him about it. He said after women find out about his dicc he always got the pussy but I was the first to turn him down. Even Al told me on the way home that she met a guy like that and after finding out what he had she fucced cause she didn’t wanna pass it up! She did say she later learned to regret it cause it was a long time before anyone else could satisfy her. I am planning to go back to New York because I didn’t get to see any tourist attractions outside of Times Square and we had a blast!