Amidst hope, healing and heartbreak

It’s Tuesday morning and I’m waiting outside the wound clinic in my car. Momma has 30 total treatments in the hyperbaric chamber and I am not sure what number treatment is today. I’d venture a guess of about number 20, and I am astounded at the side effects!

We began treatment for mommas 3 diabetic ulcers at this clinic, after Bertha (the nurse who comes out to treat her in home) informed us that the wound on momma’s right heel was not getting better.

The first week of her daily hyperbaric treatments I wasn’t sure that I would be able to get her here everyday. Momma could barely get out of bed to use the toilet. Me and Marlon would help get her out of bed to the wheelchair. She would struggle with the stiffness in her joints that set in from 82 years of life and hard work along with multiple chronic illnesses I am sure. By the time she made it into the car she would be gasping for air as if she was experiencing a full blown asthma attack. Her dry, rumbly gasps for air would scare me, because the sound was similar to what I imagined was the noise of a death rattle.

For the past few days momma is, medically speaking, ten years younger! What I mean to say is that she’s now getting herself out of bed. She’s getting herself dressed. I came home yesterday and she was in the kitchen standing with her walker beside the stove frying potatoes! That ain’t all! Momma has been insulin dependent since 1986, her blood glucose is always 90-140 now! It’s like the hyperbaric chamber is a fountain of (youth)health ๐Ÿค”.

I’m witnessing the restoration of her health and strength as she begins each day inside this oxygen dense chamber and it’s blowing my mind. For those who don’t know the chamber is pressurized. Your body is bombarded with oxygen for a couple of hours. That’s it really. Sounds pretty simple right? I just finished my chemistry class last semester and I learned a lot about oxygen and other elements, molecules and compounds. Many of which are essential to life and work for us in many ways to sustain us, like oxygen. I am overjoyed at mommas healing and I wonder why can’t we have a hyperbaric chamber for love?

I am having a blast with social media right now. Taking care of my mom, attending university and working consume most of my time. What little I have left, if I have any, doesn’t encourage a dating life. It doesn’t help matters that I am sort of a snob either. Don’t get the wrong idea I don’t think I am better than anyone else I just find it easier and less painful to be alone. Every time, it seems, I get involved it starts off great. We are having a good time enjoying each other and suddenly I get insecure. It’s a pattern of behavior that I have found comforting I guess. Sounds nuts right?! I’m comfortable because I know what will happen! If I brace myself for the day that he gets tired of me, and notices a younger prettier girl, or whatever distracts him, then I can bounce back faster! Dust the dirt off myself and continue the search for what I need to be happy and feel safe.

My online presence is growing a bit and it’s exciting to have people (who don’t know me) like my work. I’m loving the feedback and encouragement.

While ‘Saltofthaeearth’ is gaining a following, Vickie is discovering an alarming commonality with that following.

I’m seeing that emotional damage and spiritual apathy is creating a devastating mark on humanity. We are all suffering heartache of some sort.

I love to post memes that move people. It’s exciting to see different reactions and read the comments. When it’s humorous I get to smile and laugh with my online friends. When it’s a teachable moment I enjoy the appreciation with those, like me, looking for wisdom.

The posts that deal with love, loss, damage and heartache only serve to remind me of the state of our world. I’m grateful to not be alone in my pain, but at the same time I don’t wish for anyone else to endure heartbreak.

So what do I do? I say to myself there has to be something that I can do! Immediately after I think about myself and all of my insufficiencies. I can’t even keep myself happy! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

I realize that my pain is no anomaly! We all are fighting our way through. This world is dark and hopeless. Any light that radiates in this world is coming through us. From us. We may be damaged, but we still fight and hope for love. Yes emotional and spiritual apathy is a worldwide epidemic, but I know that it’s imperative to keep hope alive. It sounds cliche, but it’s because it’s true. I’m not perfect. No one is. I must hold onto the hope that although I don’t have the life I want yet, I will get it someday. I keep the faith that I can get it someday. Some day hope will introduce me to the life I dream about. A life that is simply full of faith, hope and love. I read it somewhere that “The greatest of these is love.” I hope for you and for me a love that makes all the pain worth every tear we shed in search of that love. Stay hopeful ๐Ÿ™

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2 comments

  1. Great and encouraging post! So thankful for your openness in sharing. I definitely relate to this and itโ€™s hard to put yourself out there. Keep it up because the good karma comes back around!

    Liked by 1 person

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