This past week has been chocked full of learning! One lesson in particular, about drinking and how the truth is a powerful tool came around full circle. Sometimes we keep the truth hidden in order to gain an advantage or, to protect ourselves. Other times, truth is hidden to manipulate an outcome. Truth is that friend that can bring about the best and worst of times.
I’m practicing celibacy for a few important reasons. One of the reasons is that I am not ready for a relationship and I have to stop making dumb decisions. Physical attraction coupled with loneliness can lead to bad outcomes. I know from personal experience. I knew that I wasn’t having the easiest go of celibacy but I been surviving for nearly a year. It wasn’t until my bestie and I decided to go to happy hour this past Monday that I realized my condition. I didn’t realize that I was as bad off as to black out after a few margaritas and rub down my happy hour benefactor to the point that he was ready to give me plenty to rub, and get a little squeeze in the process! The struggle is real! Lol
My bestie was able to keep ready Freddie from taking advantage of my horny inebriated state. I wish she would’ve taken my phone for the night though! I woke up the next day to find an all out heated and perverted conversation between me and a cyber boyfriend that would leave some folks red in the face! Lol. I commented to him about the conversation the next day, and asked for forgiveness for my drunken behavior and he said there was nothing to forgive! He enjoyed the conversation and I know that he did! 🙈
It’s now Sunday evening and I have my own experience of a drunk dial conversation! I can’t help laughing as I listen to him slur his words while confessing that he thinks about me all the time. It’s not pathetic funny, but it’s adorable funny. Last week I sent him a nasty text telling him about a daydream that I had about him. In his drunken state he professed that it’s all he can think about!
Our inner most thoughts and feelings are the truths that we guard closely. It’s as if we are afraid of the power one might assume if they knew the truth. As if our feelings are weaknesses! Seriously? We all have the same basic need. I know that you’re not sure what you’re dealing with in the beginning and you want to be careful because you don’t know how the other person feels, or will react. I spent years in a relationship where communication was not encouraged. He would sit and look at me with a blank stare as I tried to plead with him to hear and understand me! If he changed his behavior because of an argument that I made it wouldn’t last. He would go back to doing whatever caused the problem and I grew tired of it and eventually decided that I didn’t want that for the rest of my life. Now that I am free to speak and someone wants to hear me.
I’m liking the results of saying what I am thinking! I wrestled for most of the day with the decision of sending him the perverted text. It wasn’t because I didn’t know that he would like it. My issue was being vulnerable. It’s not easy to do after surviving what I been through, but this person I don’t feel like I need protection from.
I’m glad I sent the message and I am loving the fallout. Life is too short to keep your guard up all the time. This man I genuinely like. This man genuinely likes me. I don’t know how this will play out but I will keep talking and telling no tales.