I gotta shrink myself (continues)

img_4600-1DrFeelGood: “When last week we concluded there were a couple of points that I believe we should revisit.”

Me: “Ok doc! Those points are what exactly?”

(DrFeelGood looks over his notes, and reads aloud softly to himself)

“Let’s see, Daddy issues and homework.Ok let’s start there!”

Me: “Where? The issues?”

Dr: “Sure! What do you consider to be ‘Daddy Issues’?”

Me: “Well you know that it means?”

DrFeelGood cuts me off and says.

DrFeelGood: “I am aware of how it is defined. I am more concerned with your thoughts.”

Me: “I lost my daddy suddenly, when I was 14 years old. I was daddy’s girl! He gave me everything I wanted, and even protected me from my mom when she wanted to discipline me!”

This practice of keeping my momma from snatching my ass when I needed it, I don’t think was the best idea. Momma and I are still 34 years after his death, sparring with each other! She’s long been trying to prove to me that she is the boss.

Me: “I feel like I have been on this search for him my entire adulthood.”

DrFeelGood: “What do you mean? How have you been searching for him?”

Me: “I mean I look for the man in my life to treat me that well. I’m a hardworking woman. I deserve it!”

DrFeelGood: “This is good! So, you seek out men who will spoil you and not expect you to be accountable?”

Me: “Yeah! Wait…what?

Me: “Doc! That’s not what I said!”

DrFeelGood: “Isn’t it? I got it right here in my notes! Daddy gave me everything I wanted. Wouldn’t let momma whoop that behind even when you needed it!”

Me: “That is not the same thing!”

DrFeelGood: “Honestly Salt, I am trying to see how it’s different, but I don’t!” What did your father recoup from spoiling you?”

Me: “Daddy got the undying love and adoration of his baby girl!”

DrFeelGood:”As well he should, and that is all a father wants from his children. To be admired for duties fulfilled as a father.”

DrFeelGood: “How does that relationship translate into a marriage of two peers?”

Me: “What do you mean Doc? I’m not sure I understand.”

DrFeelGood: “Your relationship with your father is an important part of your life. It’s key to defining roles as well as developing healthy relationships.”

Me:”Yes! Daddy was the first man in my life. My first love and my man should love me like that!”

DrFeelGood sighs and shakes his head, before saying, “I believe this a great place to start! A man and wife relationship cannot operate in the same way as father and daughter. The only real similarity is the opposite genders involved.”

Me: “Are you saying that I don’t deserve to be spoiled?”

DrFeelGood: “Not what I’m saying.”

Me: “What is it that you mean?”

DrFeelGood: “Not my job really.”

Me:”Huh?!”

DrFeelGood:”Teach a man to fish. Salt you must fish!”

Me:”Uh yeah. So my dad spoiled me. My husband shouldn’t?”

DrFeelGood:”Should your husband spoil you?”

Me:”I had a husband that did try and spoil me like my daddy. I resented him for trying to buy my affections.ā€

Daddy was good to me. Really good, but he loved me selfishly. I mean maybe he didn’t know, or couldn’t consider that tough love was also necessary. It was a disservice to me to keep me from suffering the consequences of my behavior when needed. It taught me to give little consideration to others. In my dating relationships I operated on a mildly narcissistic level. Mine was the only viewpoint that I considered. It would always puzzle me, once things began to fall apart, why I couldn’t ever seem to stay in a loving partnership.

5 comments

  1. This is profound! I love the fact that while you’re reflecting you can acknowledge the good with the bad at the same time. You see the beauty of the situation, yet you understand and accept that the spoiling prevented you from learning what consequences feel like. I should probably shrink myself… I love how you did this. I’m sure I can dig a little deeper within and find some things that may not have surfaced the last time I did my soul searching. Love this post, Salt!

    Liked by 2 people

      • Well this has inspired me! I think I may have to do this in my journal. Thank you for sharing this… it’s helping others too! šŸ˜ŠšŸ’Æ

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is such a unique perspective it provides a different outlook. I would not have thought of the similarities between my partner and the father I remember from my childhood. Thank you so much for sharing this outlook and your blog with us!!

    Liked by 1 person

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