It’s been a while since we’ve had a heart to heart conversation. Too much time has passed and it seems almost moot at this point. I gotta let you know how I am feeling even if you never read this letter. I have to birth this burden and give it a chance to die. As long as I carry it around it will continue to thrive off the energy it suckles from me. To be honest, I don’t want to help it survive anymore.
Until now I held on because I was afraid that letting it go would mean losing you. Only now have I realized that I lost you the moment this bitch showed up! Out of nowhere she showed up and you chose to entertain her. That would’ve been fine except she is a jealous one. She didn’t like me and she made you choose. I had to accept your choice because I loved you so much that I’d rather take a back seat than leave you. As time went on she got more controlling. The time came to commit and you married her. It was time for me to go.
Now I was just thinking about you and the good times we shared. I thought I’d reach out and say that I miss you. Apparently I don’t have a right to do that because I still have a debt to pay to your lover Guilt. You question how can I say that I miss you when I still haven’t made things right? You know I began to pack my things and go with you on the trip but I decided to sit this one out.
I can’t take this guilt trip with you anymore. You see I admit that I am far from perfect but I try. When I miss my mark I punish myself enough that I don’t need extra help. I don’t like what we have become but I don’t have a choice. I must accept your choices but I can no longer shoulder the responsibility of that choice.
I love you and always will. If one day you change your mind I will be here and I will welcome you back with open arms! Until then I will continue on the journey of healing that I chose instead of a life of perpetual pain. My hope is to one day see you along the same road! I wish that I could stay but I gotta go!
Tell your girl Guilt that I said “Fuck you!”