It’s 7:30 am on a Sunday morning and she had been awake at least an hour. She had a lot on her mind. School was starting in 9 days and she was so excited! This semesters offerings were human physiology and intro to creative writing. Excited for both she looked to Human physiology as another step towards fulfilling her science courses for nursing. That satisfied her practical side.
Intro to creative writing for her was a step in pursuit of the romantic side of life. Time didn’t allow much room for being social between school and caring for an aging mother. Reading and writing about romance stood in the gap of where a real living and breathing human being would be in an ideal world. She knew that she had some talent in writing and expressing herself with the written word. In the past she had some minimal success with short essay submissions, and piecework. Her hope for the future was that she could attain success in both avenues of nursing and writing. However, this outlet of writing was not about money but special to her. Putting thoughts to paper was cathartic, and the romances she bore through her creativity filled a void. She wasn’t exactly sure there truly was a void, or if the empty spaces in her social life was just room to grow.
She had spent the last two years in mourning for the demise of a marriage that was doomed from the start. She believed that she needed the time to sort out her share of the responsibilities in that failure. About two years seemed to be a good start. Once the emotional wounds began to heal she found herself feeling more alone than she liked. Time spent out in public meeting people and making friends consumes too much time. She didn’t have the luxury of time to invest in socializing. College level courses require time devoted to reading and writing papers to excel and earn good grades. So she couldn’t afford distractions. Still sometimes when her independence felt like more loneliness she wanted to have someone. She contemplated online dating sites. She couldn’t bring herself to do the work of building a profile, uploading pictures and worst of all sorting through the various plethoras of lunatics, weirdness and unsolicited dick pictures 😱 . She stuck with the gram. It served her well before. Plus there was a small possibility of something that showed real promise.
She had met someone. A real living and breathing man. The more they interacted the more she thought about the things that he said to her. As they were getting to know each other through direct messages he would express himself and talk about
how he was feeling her. She enjoyed the exchange of words and attention through the gram. He gave her little nuggets of wisdom that he had gathered along his journey in life. He caused her to question herself. Not doubt or condemn herself, but things he would say to her inspired self-inventory. He moved her to evaluate herself and make room for an opportunity to grow? The more she learned about him the more fascinated she became. Early one Saturday morning she woke up around 5am. He was on her mind so she wrote him a letter.
Good morning my lovely friend and happy Saturday! I just woke up like an hour ago and the time is 7:35 am. It’s 34 degrees outside! You know how when your bladder wakes you up. It’s so cold in your room but cozy and warm in your bed that you hate to get up? That’s me this morning! Lol. I been thinking about you a bit more than usual these last few days. I hesitate to tell you about it because I don’t want you to think ill of my thoughts or intentions regarding you. You have encouraged me from the gate to be straight and say what I am thinking so that is what I will do. I want to write you a letter but I don’t have ink in my printer and I
cannot buy any until the first. So I’m writing it this way because I gotta get this out and work through it. Ok so I’m not sure where to start!! I have been thinking about you and I getting to know each other. I liked you before I knew who you were too. I think we both were digging the others feed on IG relating to each other’s posts. Recognizing the thought process behind those posts and seeing similarities between us. I went through your profile a while before you actually DM me trying to see what I could learn about you but I didn’t want to approach you for fear of what you might deduce from that so I just kept watching you. It seemed that we had a lot in common and I can appreciate that. You know like I do that appreciation stems mostly from the fact that it is not a frequent occurrence to find another to share many things in common with (🤔 did that make sense?) lol! So when you finally did message me I was pleased to receive it. I remember trying not to be too eager in answering because I was giddy at that point! (Don’t laugh!) 😎 Once you did message me I went back and investigated your profile again. This time
I looked to see if we had friends in common. Do we know each other’s
family or ex? Where did you come from?
As we are getting better acquainted and learning about each other I am more impressed with you and I want you to know that. You know that I liked your intellect from the beginning. I’m fuccin having a hard time right now! Lol. I have
typed and erased this one sentence I dk how many times cause I want it to come across the right way!! Ugh! 😑 Ok I can do this lol! It’s ok to laugh at me now because I’m being stupid for trying to say what’s on my mind but scared to do it! I’m at the point now where Im worried that I’m liking you
too much if that makes any sense?! I’m a work in progress and going through some healing. I’m in no condition for a relationship.
I am now giving myself the love I would give to another. It is a goal to see what your girl will gain from a totally unselfish and generous lover like myself 🥰 I’m betting that it will prepare me for the
future. Not sure if you’re there (in the future) or not but one thing is certain, and that is some of the things that you have said to me I have adopted as my own.
Our conversations have been for the most part brief but with each transaction I have been enlightened. I remember in the beginning you called me a ‘sapiosexual’. My first thought was one of surprise because you knew the term and the meaning, and the fact that you applied that to me as well. Intelligent conversation is a must for me. I feel like my brain gets bored and I lose interest almost immediately. In the beginning I had hoped that for us. That you would bore me, but it wasn’t long before I knew better.
You are the latest installment of inspiration for my creative energies. I believe that you are a catalyst to a new beginning. A metamorphosis is taking place inside me. I can actually imagine me in the picture of health. I am sure that this July 10, 2019 I will have accomplished 2 things; discipline for loving and caring for myself, and some weight loss.
By the time we meet again I will have gained stamina both mentally and physically with my emotions in check. I already love myself. I am going to love myself even more becoming the woman I believe is waiting to shine.
You told me recently that you have a serious hunger for me. Those two words “serious hunger” caused my mind to wander with images of us so billowy and rhythmic in the wind of my imagination that I held my breath! The burst of adrenaline released as my mind processed the words on the screen gave me a serious high. My second thought was one of recollection. I asked myself a question,”When’s the last time you had that reaction to someone?” I don’t waste time taking inventory of the last decade of disappointments to eventually come up with an answer. I know the answer as sure as I know that hunger pang you spoke of and how it came to be.
His response was quick and dirty!
“Gm pretty lady, i know ur intent wit this letter wuz depth,,,,,but u turned me on when i read it….”
She didn’t mind his reaction and told him exactly that. The friendship would serve a purpose in her rising to the possible occasion of meeting a real match for her. To have a match in every sense she believed impossible. Only time would reveal the truth. We will check back in sometime in the future to see!