It had been about a month maybe three weeks since his first direct message on the gram. D and I had been going at it pretty steady messaging back and forth by then. Feverishly typing paragraphs, two to three at a time, spelling out the way we were affecting each other. My descriptions detailed his overwhelming presence inside my psyche. His accounts laid out his welcome reception of my offer of my inner most feelings. He had discovered a genuine spirit in me and poured his energies into reaching the point of uncharted territory. Mine was the joy of a remarkable find in this new, young and seemingly unfledged man more than half my age holding his own with me in a battle of wits. A healthy contestant in this dance of romance with words. He was a great partner with me on this journey of imaginations of passions unbeknownst to regular folk. I’m not going to say that I had not done this before because that would be untrue. Never before had I found myself so caught up in a man that I lost my footing. It was only when he misunderstood something that I innocently said about him and he replied a bit harshly that I noticed my hearts condition. I had fallen in love with the notion of him and me. My mind was flooded with the ideas that he had spoken to me. My heart ached with a need to nurture and care for him. My body craved for his touch. I kept the most intimate thoughts to myself because it was all so new. Early one Saturday morning I woke up with him on my mind. That had become my new normal. I thought about that expression of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. It was normal to have thoughts and feelings towards a man and keep them to myself. I decided to share my thoughts with him:

I sent you this because I have developed an appetite for you. In realizing this I wondered how could it be? Could it be because I am inundated with your presence (although you are not physically here)by your texting me, contacting me daily and in between your reaching out, in the quiet moments of my day when I look at your pictures and re read our conversations? Yes this must be how it developed and now what do I do with this? I ask myself how much do I want you to know? Remember me saying telling you how I feel is giving you a roadmap to my heart. I feel I’m taking it a step further and I’ve got your hand in mine and leading you there. The entire time I’ve been looking at the time and counting the days. It hasn’t been a month! My logic reminds me. My heart says that connection doesn’t respect time. If something comes together easily and fits just right it takes no time at all. Logic argues the place that you’re in is full of the types of people who don’t respect love or life I wrestle with my logical mind because I feel in my spirit that you are different from the norm. Like me. But I’m reminded that I have been fooled before but I was fooled because of my spiritual condition at the time and I saw the truth. I simply ignored it. With you I notice a few small things that I am curious about (like you) so I’m reserving judgment of those until the time presents and they may just become insignificant. Well Ive done enough procrastinating time to get to studying. Ttyl love 💜😘 My loves reply:
I’ve read this over and over because what you said was authentic. To me these are signs of seriousness and maturity within a person. This says more to me than what is on display for me to see. I have been caught off guard by this message but feel as though its right for you to serve me. I noticed that you struggle with the same logic that I have to deal with when it comes to what’s real what fake peoples motives etc. But at the end of the day you are no fool and you & both know that this very.. Well could be something or maybe its just nothing at all. But I highly doubt its nothing because I truly believe that its what we make it. I get that you’re afraid to show me where it would hurt at only because then I’d know your weaknesses but with that being said you’d have to keep in mind that doing so would cause a 2way street so trust will have to be formed between the two of us when doing so. I’m willing give up a lot for you as long as we both want the same thing. Some things.. Like for instance what I been through I may never talk about but that applies to what I am willing to sacrifice. I feel as though somethings aren’t worth it when I believe that you are. You’re longevity! Any man with common sense should know the value in everlasting things and so I like to believe that I do. When it comes to I out shit off. I will sit here with a messy desk an ashy ankles and elbows after I showered because I am so busy being caught up with you. That appetite we share together! More so on my end literally and figuratively though lol. But I simply just want to be good to you. I know what it means to not be enough so at the end of the day I truly hope that if things continue down the path in which they are headed in that we together will be all that we both need and crave for or else I feel as though our LOVE live is at stake. Outside of that baby I feel as though the world is ours. I won’t hurt you in anyway shape or form. Especially not physically and I’m not.. The type to abuse,I wasn’t raised that way. My mother wouldn’t have it and till this day I value that ladies word an opinion and would be devastated if she were look down on how I behaved and turned her back on me so no worries there. I just want you and I to be happy and me to provide you with a lot of love and good sex plus whatever else is in my power and authority as a man to provide his woman with.💙 We’ve both been let down,we’ve both experienced disappointment so I think we should focus on making each other happy and not being a product of the past events…

Signed off for now prepare for the rollercoaster ride! 😱